One Final Update
Good Morning friends and family -
It has been a long while since my last update. I thank you for your patience as this update has taken several days longer to send out than expected, because I needed to allow proper time for EMI to take care of things on their end first.
This update is bitter-sweet, because in a way, it’ll be one of my last updates on my missionary journey, and it also closes a chapter to EMI that was much shorter than I expected. That’s the bitter part. The sweet part, is that God has been so, so good and has provided above and beyond what I could have expected from lies head.
All that being said, this update may be one of the longest ones I have written. There is so much I desire to communicate with you - the last three months of home assignment, critical conversations with EMI staff, the spiritual retreat that I went on, how God has been working in me through forgiveness and healing, and the excitement of what the future holds.
Home Assignment
I briefly alluded to it on the last email I sent out, but the last three months I have spent on Home Assignment.
I arrived back in the United States on November 8 and have spent the last three months with my parents, in northwest Ohio. About two weeks after I arrived, I made my way back to the greater Chicago area to visit friends and supporters. Then, at the end of December, I traveled to Spain to see my sister’s family and to spend the Christmas season with them - a very sweet time as I had not seen them for a year and a half and I had not returned to the Basque country in 4 1/2 years. Then, in January, I took a quick day trip out to Colorado Springs to visit with the EMI US Office, and to discuss what my possible next steps serving with EMI would look like. (I will get into more of this in the future sections.) Then, less than a week later, I traveled down to Jacksonville, Florida to attend the Interlude retreat – a spiritual processing retreat for missionaries.
This time has been really sweet, and yet quite weird. I don’t remember a time in my adult life where I didn’t have a schedule and where I did not have a purpose in day-to-day activities. Now part of my home assignment was to plainly rest (something I am not great at), and to meet with my therapist and spiritual advisers so that I could continue the healing process and work towards forgiveness.
Let me just say briefly, that God has been good. He has met me where I’m at, and he has provided the time and space for my heart and my wounds to heal.
Below are some photos of my time during home assignment. I have tried to group them based on my order of travels.
EMI…What is Next?
In early January, I traveled out to Colorado Springs for a day, in order to meet with various people at the US office. If I’m being honest, I was a mixed ball of emotions. I didn’t know what people would think of me, I didn’t know how much of a drama between Phil and I would’ve gotten out, I didn’t know or have control over what peoples perception of me was going to be. But, as He always does, God went before me, and the day was full of peace and fruitful conversations.
When I return to my hotel at the end of the day, I felt peace. But not just a peace about how the day had gone. I felt peace that my image at EMI was undamaged, and that EMI‘s image in my mind had been restored and healed. My biggest prayer before going out for this trip, was that I would be able to continue well with EMI whether I continued as staff or resigned. So, I left those meetings filled with hope. Hope that God was still in control.
At the end of that week, I then left for the retreat in Jacksonville, Florida. My decision concerning EMI was made during that trip, which I will get into in the next section.
But what I wanted to update in this section is that about two weeks ago, I resigned from EMI altogether. I have felt a peace, unlike any other, that God is placing me back in the greater Chicago area.
So, what does that mean for you, my prayer and financial supporters?
It means that at the end of February, I will no longer be on EMI‘s payroll. I would ask, that you would continue your donations for the month of February, and then remove your reoccurring donation, whatever that looks like, for March and onward. If you have questions about this, I may be able to help, but you would have better luck contacting the EMI USA office and talking with somebody there.
Interlude Retreat
I could probably write pages upon pages of what this week was to me. So if you are interested about this, please reach out and I would LOVE to tell you more. This retreat came at a critical point in my home assignment, where I needed to know what was next. I needed to know that God was guiding me in the direction he desired, and that I was faithfully following him into the future. I also desired to find true forgiveness for the hurt and pain caused to me and to be able to release that fully, while encountering healing for my soul.
The retreat itself was only about five days long. However, it was focused around scripture and around liturgical practices, that were meant to guide our hearts and minds into closer communion with God. The days were filled with group guided and self guided meditation. We had time to share our stories and experiences in small groups, and we also had one-on-one time with one other staff to discuss our stories.
On day two, I found myself praying for the Nicaragua office, and specifically for the two people that I felt had caused me the most pain. It was weird, because I felt like I should still be angry and holding a grudge towards them, and yet God and his perfect timing softened my heart, and allowed me to pray for their well-being and their work in ministry. As the week progressed, I found that I was able to find biblical forgiveness in my situation.
Another great thing that happened in my personal devotional time, as well as our corporate time, was finding a focus for the year ahead. Several years ago, I selected a specific phrase (hopeful expectation), and spent the entire year exploring what that was and what God desired it to be. This year, my phrase is a bit longer, and a bit more complex.
The simplest illustration for it, which we even physically did at the retreat, was the concept and art of Kintsugi. In our Christian faith, it’s so easy to apply worldly standards and desire to hide our flaws and imperfections. But scripture clearly tells us that in our weakness God is stronger. So why not highlight those imperfections? The art of Kintsugi restores pottery to its wholeness by mending the cracks and broken pieces with gold or silver. What a beautiful image this is of how God restores us!
The time at this retreat was truly soul restoring. It brought healing to parts that I needed and to parts that I didn’t know were still there. I will forever be thankful for the Barnabas team, and the other missionary attenders that were there. Thank you for your vulnerability, and your desire to see us restored to wholeness.
Why are they facing the other way? These beautiful people work in closed countries.
What’s Next?
If I’m being honest, it has been very hard to keep news of what is next quiet. I am very thankful for what God taught me and grown me in over the last two years. I will forever be thankful for the experience that I gained while working internationally with EMI. And while it seems weird to say, I am thankful for what I went through, because I believe it has developed me into a better person, a better leader, and a better designer.
OK, for the part that I have been busting at the seems to share….
I am returning back to the Chicago area!!
I am overjoyed to have a trajectory towards what lies next. I have already started all of the fun (yet exhausting) things - looking for a new vehicle, meeting with a real estate agent and beginning the home searching process. As some of you know, my house in Elgin is still under lease for another year. So, I am navigating the waters of what owning a second property would look like, or if I will sell my Elgin property eventually.
I have also begun conversations with my previous employer, Chipman Design, to see what opportunities I would have working for them. In fact, I have a meeting with my former design principal and studio director this Friday at 9:30 AM central time. I am excited at the possibility of returning there, because it always felt like home and the team I worked with was always family.
Praises and Prayer Requests
Praises:
Praise God for the restorative time and healing I have encountered in the last three months.
Praise God for clear and affirming direction in the chapter ahead.
Praise God for his goodness, mercy, faithfulness, and perfect timing in all of this.
Prayer Requests
While it is exciting to be entering into a new, and your familiar area, there is a lot to do and weigh in the decision making process.
Prayers for the car search, that I would be able to find some thing that is in my budget, and that will last me for a long while.
Prayers for the house/condo hunt. I am meeting with a realtor and a financial advisor to explore all possible options. Pray that I would find some thing within my budget in a decent neighborhood that would truly feel like home.
Prayers for my meeting on Friday with Chipman Design.
Prayers for the next month. This month will be full of to-do lists and transitions again. These things are fun and yet so overwhelmingly exhaustive at times.
It is so very weird to think that this could be my last blog post.
I have said this many times, but I could not have done these last two years of life without your support - through your sacrificial giving and through your prayers and frequent check-in’s. You all have been such an integral part of my life these last two years, and I don’t know that I could ever truly express, my thankfulness for you.
Thank you for your love and for your support over these last two years. Thank you for believing in me in for encouraging me to follow where God was leading me at the time. Thank you for listening, for hearing me, and for providing comfort and guidance and strength during times of struggle. Thank you for your friendship and for your encouragement. Again, thank you for your love towards me.
I would love to stay in contact with each of you. I have people from different parts of my life that have rallied behind me. So, if you would like to stay in contact, here’s how:
e: mc.shadowen@gmail.com
c: 224.689.3868
You can also reach out to me via Facebook or Instagram. If you would like my temporary mailing address, I can also send out your way.
With much love and gratitude,
Micah